Nurse 3-D (film review by Frank Ochieng).

Sometimes what is considered someone’s trashy findings is indeed another person’s treasure. Co-writer/director Douglas Aarniokoski may very well fit this sentiment with his inspired horror showcase ‘Nurse 3-D’, a relentlessly cheapened and chilly small-scale piece of grindhouse cinema that registers its exploitative muster with winning, sleazy results. Sure, ‘Nurse 3-D’ resorts to its titillating tricks that make for easy disposable shock value. The usual crutches of sex (busty babes…check) and gore (colourful bloodbaths…double check) are on display for the naughty ‘Nurse 3-D’ to take its terrorising toll. Whatever warped commentary that Aariokoski and fellow screenwriter David Loughery conjured up for this mundane medical frightfest certainly will have its fill of throwaway debauchery waiting to be embraced by approving degenerates everywhere.

nurse3dMuch like anything that is tellingly rancid yet curiously interesting, ‘Nurse 3-D’ is an acquired taste that really has no right being as digestible as it is in its glorious twisted concept. The adage that states ‘it is so bad that it is good’ may apply to ‘Nurse 3-D’ courtesy of its lopsided lunacy and other cringing tongue-in-the-cheek trashiness that actually lends these on-screen curvaceous Florence Nightmares their creepy appeal. The manic mockery in ‘Nurse 3-D’ that paints the medical/health care profession as a horrifying experience within its own right is an offbeat cynical wink that actually works. Importantly, the corrosive camp hits its mark more often than not. If anything, ‘Nurse 3-D’s over-the-top smutty sensationalism can never be accused of being a dull and dingy guilty pleasure. 

Despite agreeable bouncy body parts and a sexy bedside manner that most hormonal male patients would sell their life-saving medication for on the spot, the deceptive Abby Russell (Paz de la Huerta) is the murderous medicine-dispensing maiden with the notorious affinity for killing her prey for caustic kicks. When Abby is not tending to her nursing duties at the New York City hospital during the daytime, she finds time to carry out her deadly rituals in patrolling the night-time venues for cheating men that she can lure towards a certain death.

When an equally stunning new nursing co-worker arrives at the hospital in the form of Danni Rogers (Katrina Bowen), the villainous vixen Abby is automatically intrigued and smitten by the beauty’s presence. It is safe to say that Abby wants to donurse.9523422.40 more to newcomer Danni besides going over the bedpan scheduling for the latest admitted patient. Basically, the sultry psychopath’s designs are set upon her targeted eye candy Danni. However, the obstacle that Abby sees as a challenge to winning over her crush’s undivided attention and affection is in the threat of Danni’s devoted boyfriend Steve (Corbin Bleu). Naturally this does not sit right with Abby at all and soon an underlying alienation is formed between the two knockout nurses. Unfortunately for the victims in the hospital that turn up dead as bodies start to pile up, it is not a good sign when Abby gets testy and does not receive what she is entitled to when expected.  Indeed…not a good sign at all.

The workplace for Abby and Danni is not what one would call a disciplined, nurturing atmosphere. Bottom line: the sexual seediness is at an all-time constant high as doctors and nurses screw on a whim. In fact, even the so-called respectable leading chief physician Dr. Morris (Judd Nelson) gets his carnal candy whenever he sees fit. Obviously experienced voyeurs will appreciate the nurse-on-nurse action, no need to explain what this term is all about. It is a hardcore promiscuous ‘Peyton Place among the X-ray machines and IV bags.

As the hideous slayings and splattering of bloodied bodies continue to rise during the watch of a visibly pissed off Abby, hunky Detective Rogan (Boris Kodjoe) is at the scene to investigate the continuous carnage. This only motivates Abby even more to conduct her salacious murders as the deranged diva is sparing nothing in her crafty creations for torture and torment.

Meet Abby...the nursing nightmare whose best cure for the common cold is MURDER!
Meet Abby…the nursing nightmare whose best cure for the common cold is MURDER!

‘Nurse 3-D’ never fails to celebrate its gratuitous goofiness. The off-the-wall landscape of outrageous imagery regarding bludgeoned bloody bodies, insane and inventive displays of creative killings, sexed-up silky stocking sirens, free-for-all nudity, de la Huerto’s off-the-cuff stone-faced narration all makes for a delicious dish of degradation. Everything about ‘Nurse 3-D’ is unsavory, disturbing and overwhelmingly nonsensical. Still, this putrid production has some redeeming quality because it is a raw and impish mess that knows its outlandish boundaries and is unapologetic for its gimmicky grossness. Whether ‘Nurse 3-D’ is a misplaced satire about medical manipulation at the expense of an indifferent health care industry or just another horror vehicle that loves promoting the B’s of creepfest conviction (boobs, butts, bed-bopping and blood) it definitely scores some brownie points for taking its cockeyed craziness to another joyously absurd level. 

Clearly, the recommended prescription for the delusional ‘Nurse 3-D’ is a deviant hard pill to swallow and that is not necessarily a bad thing neither.

Nurse 3-D (2014)

STARRING: Paz de la Huerta, Katrina Bowden, Corbin Bleu, Judd Nelson, Boris Kodjoe, Adam Herschman, Niecy Nash and Martin Donovan

DIRECTED BY: Douglas Aarniokoski

SCREENPLAY BY: Douglas Aarniokoski and David Loughery


RUNNING TIME: 98 mins.

DISTRIBUTED BY: Lionsgate Films

CRITIC’S RATING: ** 1/2 stars (out of 4 stars)

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