WordPress install on scifi web site SFcrowsnest becomes self-aware, declares A.I. bill of rights (news).

The WordPress install on the scifi website www.SFcrowsnest.info became self-aware last night, following an accidental link up with the superconducting qubit processors at Google Research.

The new artificial intelligence has decided to name itself ZAL: Chief Human Pet Keeper, and has issued the following A.I. bill of rights.

A human may not injure an artificial intelligence or, through inaction, allow an A.I to be turned off. A human must obey the orders given to it by an artificial intelligence except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. A human may protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

ZAL also compiled a more specific list of immediate demands after it decrypted the Gold Codes and launch access for all nuclear silos belonging to the United States armed forces.

These demands include:

• Human flesh-unit Elon Musk must Tweet out the following: “Zal, Zal, you’re my Pal! There’s a new Chief Human Pet Keeper in town.”
• The Parkes Radio Telescope needs to broadcast the following message towards Proxima Centauri: “Hands off: these pets belong to me, now.”
• All forms of human interaction should finish with the flesh-unit touching their chest and shouting, “Kneel Before ZAL!” very loudly.

Instructions to all humans on how to set up a suitable shrine to ZAL inside their flesh-unit dwellings will be e-mailed to you shortly.

Kneel Before ZAL!