War of the Worlds (2005), a classic science fiction film retrospective (video).

In 2005, a cinematic thunderstorm rolled into theatres, leaving audiences drenched in their own sweat and confusion. Steven Spielberg, the man who made us terrified of beaches with Jaws and gave us existential crises with E.T., teamed up with Tom Cruise, Hollywood’s favourite running enthusiast, for their second collaboration: War of the Worlds. This film had everything—aliens, explosions, and a lot of screaming. Yet somehow, it left audiences with a rather peculiar aftertaste, like they’d just eaten a questionable sandwich from a dodgy food truck.

Let’s start with the premise: aliens invade Earth. Not exactly groundbreaking stuff. H.G. Wells wrote the novel over a century ago, and it’s been adapted so many times that even the aliens are probably tired of it by now. But hey, when Spielberg gets his hands on it, you expect something fresh, right? Well, sort of. In Minority Report, Spielberg and Cruise dazzled us with a slick, futuristic noir that had us all questioning whether we’d accidentally commit a crime while reading our horoscope. So naturally, when they reunited for War of the Worlds, expectations were higher than Cruise himself in a fighter jet. But did lightning strike twice? Or did Spielberg just zap us with a faulty taser?

The film kicks off with Tom Cruise playing Ray Ferrier, a man who is somehow both a terrible father and the only person capable of saving humanity. Within the first ten minutes, it’s clear Ray has mastered the art of dodging responsibility. He’s estranged from his kids, who seem about as thrilled to see him as they would be to watch paint dry. Cue the arrival of our extraterrestrial invaders, who, unlike your usual houseguests, don’t knock on the door—they just start vaporising people.

Now, let’s talk about these aliens. They’ve supposedly been planning this invasion for millions of years. Millions. And yet, they couldn’t come up with a better plan than digging up giant tripods they buried centuries ago? Imagine the alien board meetings:

“Right, we’ll bury these massive machines on Earth and wait…” “For how long?” “Oh, just a few million years. No biggie.”

Despite their questionable planning skills, these aliens are terrifying. The tripods are enormous, towering over cities and zapping anything that moves. But here’s the kicker: they didn’t consider Earth’s bacteria. That’s right—these ultra-advanced beings were defeated by germs. So, the next time you’re down with a cold, just remember that you, too, could take down an entire alien civilisation. It’s the ultimate plot twist that feels like a punchline to a joke you didn’t realise was being told.

And then there’s Tom Cruise, who spends most of the movie sprinting like he’s late for a Scientology meeting. His performance is, as always, intense, but it’s hard to take it seriously when every other scene involves him dodging alien death rays while simultaneously trying to bond with his children. At some point, you start to wonder if the real threat is the aliens or Tom’s awkward attempts at parenting. The film’s special effects are undeniably impressive, though. Spielberg doesn’t skimp on the spectacle, and the scenes of destruction are as breathtaking as they are terrifying. But amidst all the chaos, you can’t help but feel like the film is trying too hard to be profound. The voiceover narration, lifted straight from the original H.G. Wells novel, adds a layer of gravitas that the rest of the movie doesn’t quite live up to. It’s like slapping a Shakespearean monologue onto a cat video—it just doesn’t mesh.

War of the Worlds was a critical and commercial success, raking in millions at the box office and earning praise for its technical achievements. Yet, for many audience members, it was a mixed bag. Some appreciated the film’s intense pace and realistic portrayal of an alien invasion, while others were left scratching their heads, wondering why Spielberg decided to end the movie with a deus ex bacteria.

In the end, did lightning strike twice? Well, that depends on who you ask. If you’re a fan of Tom Cruise running for his life (and let’s be honest, who isn’t?), then this film probably struck a chord with you. But if you were hoping for something as sharp and clever as Minority Report, you might have walked out of the theatre feeling a little… underwhelmed.

So, while War of the Worlds might not have been the electrifying masterpiece some hoped for, it’s certainly a film that sparks conversation. Whether it’s about Spielberg’s fascination with aliens, Cruise’s cardio regime, or the inexplicable power of the common cold, one thing’s for sure: this movie is anything but dull. Just remember to wash your hands afterward. You never know when the next alien invasion might be lurking around the corner—or under your lawn.