Crowd Funded War Needs You: a diatribe by: GF Willmetts (story).

Good evening citizens

As you must be aware by now, wars aren’t always won by superior forces but more to do with persistence, strategy and finance where winning small battles turns the outcome of the war. Although this current war has been funded from general taxes, the final push has necessitated the decision to come to you reading here to plead for crowd funding. My associates have told me that this would be quicker than raise tax or increase our debt to the banks and be voluntary on your part.

What that means is if you don’t approve of this war then you don’t need to read any further. Go away and let our boys and girls out there know this through your own petition sites that they are on their own out there and your own unpatriotic attitude. We need those of you who will line up in the streets to applaud when our military comes home to show their support now with an offer of financial support.

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If you want to really help them, then this is the sure way of getting them home sooner by winning the war. We don’t need a lot of money from each of you. I have been told that from the unit population that supports this war, that as little as a pound each will be enough. If you wish to give more then as per the conditions of crowd funding, you will be entitled to be able to observe a member of the military group in action and see how you are supporting them with ammunition and other equipment and watch their use through their helmet camera should you wish. Audio commentaries are arbitrary although you may wish to keep your children from this option in case of bad language, although there will be a time-option to bleep some words out, as indeed anything that would be useful to the enemy. If you are unhappy with providing said equipment, your funds can go towards food, luxury items for their downtime and latrine equipment. Obviously, the camera would not function with the latter and the occasional showers.

I should point out that this war is not won from only the ground. Bigger donations can contribute to the air force and navy. Aircraft, ships and submarines cost more but you will see more of the action by your support. I should point out that you are not paying for these vehicles and transport, this would require a different sort of funding which will be available next year. The crowd funding will only contribute to the upkeep of equipment, ammunition and fuel. As such, you will be able to witness the preparation and its use in war and see how it is spent. An added bonus with all that camera support is that it will make it easier for them to keep in contact with their families, which means people you know yourselves. You will be their support to succeed and win.

As part of this crowd funding, you will also get a percentage of any deal with TV and film rights should they be sold and ringside seats to any medal-deserving heroics.

With the war over and won, our boys and girls can return home and back to normal duties and you would have contributed to their success in a tangible way. The full rates are given on the next page but return here for the next link.

Send to me at the email below. Translate to avoid spammers who don’t provide any money and just want to interfere with your patronism:            Do not send me money at

Next week: funding for the medical service.



© GF Willmetts 2014

All rights reserved

And no, I don’t want to write real crowd fund appeals

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